Your greatest struggle during recovery regarding the process of an eventual relapse when experiencing a craving lies with the fact that you always find yourself being unable to turn your back completely on what the habit of viewing porn has to offer you during such moment.
This tends to happen at the most critical times.
Why?
Because you don’t want to lose that offer. In other words, you just don’t want to miss the very substance which at the heart of such offer banging your mind repeatedly, which is instant gratification.
With that being the case, you’ve reached a terrible point in your porn addiction where you just don’t have the strength and willingness to boldly say no and stick to it because of your deep concerns about facing the reality that comes with making such decision.
Obeying God Doesn’t Seem To Make Sense
So you find yourself in a stalling position, thus you just cannot move on forward with your relationship with God without fulfilling that imposing offer for instant gratification plaguing your mind.
That offer gets to become a serious impediment standing between you and God at that very moment.
Shockingly, we tend to even be willing to compromise on obeying God in order for us to lay a hold on fulfilling that offer which will serve us no good in the long run.
What happens is that we get stuck within the current moment with that offer being templated at the forefront of our mind.
It’s as if this thing has some type of tentacles that grab our mind at the most sensitive spot, thus making it extremely challenging to pull our mind out of its grip
We find ourselves being trapped within the seductive and deceptive atmosphere of that offer pulling us toward indulgence like a magnet.
The Urge To View Porn Overshadows Our Obedience To God
Therefore, we feel that we cannot afford to miss out on watching that porn scene, or image that our thinking has zeroed in on. We just cannot embrace the reality of going without it to the next phase of life.
That’s when just viewing a porn scene that will enslave us even further gets to gain the priority over obeying God; in other words, watching porn in such desperate moment becomes more important to us than God Himself.
This is when sin and the desire to commit it are exalted above God Almighty in terms of priority.
We cannot let go of something ingrained into our mind we’re planning on doing in order to choose God in such desperate moment.
Shockingly, if we were to honestly communicate our stubborn intent to God in the context of giving in, it would be as followed:
I know God that I’m about to sin against You, but I feel like that I have no choice other than acting upon such urge to save myself from the intense pressure raging within because I cannot lose on that relieving effect that what I will get is going to provide me.
In the context of repentance, it would be as followed:
I understand that I have to repent, but I don’t feel like doing it now as required.
Just give me a little bit more time so that I can have a final defining moment. Just allow me to do all I have to do within that time to ensure that I don’t regret anything when I finally choose to let go.
I don’t want to leave any unfinished business behind.
Just One More Time And That Will Be Enough
When it comes to relapse, what usually comes to mind to relieve ourselves from from the pressure of the moment is for us to just go and watch that very scene one more time.
In this case, the intent running through our mind is as followed:
I have to see it. At least, even if I were to watch it one more time, or one more last time, that would be just enough.
That would be all I need to satisfy that thirst.
Then we indulge in by erroneously thinking that will somehow solve our problems in this given moment.
But it’s not the case at all because this one more time, or one more last time experience troubling our mind has weeks, months, years, or even decades worth of experiences hidden behind it.
Since there’s a repetitive cycle at work at the very core of such habit, the same thing will eventually repeat itself in like manner.
You will experience the same feeling again and again that you experienced initially in the situation that you were in. You will still think and believe that you need to do it just one more time again.
That’s one of the greatest mysteries of sin by which the enemy has outsmarted so many.
The most deceptive aspect of it is that your ability to truly feel yourself has become hinged on doing something lying outside the realm of the will of God.
You are left with the strong impression that you will never feel at ease with yourself until you get to watch some more porn by solidly positioning yourself on the side of giving in.
As you can see, there’s an ego issue at the core of this habit by which you become obsessed with yourself and your own desires.
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